ELENA MUSGRAVE: “What you’re going to see is real. Thanks to some expert people (who may or may not be wanted by the FBI), we here at Pro Wrestling NEO were able to get our hands on some footage from an event that is a mirage, a joke, and a disappointment all rolled up into a burrito that we named ‘WrestleWar.’ Now we haven’t received all the footage yet, but we were given legal right to put it up here as part of our archives for all of you fans that didn’t get a chance to be there live. Without any further ado, I’ll let you all bear witness to the ‘War That Time Forgot’ between the two-time CWC World Champion, Josh Kennedy, and the ever-dangerous Artemis Kaiser.”

The packed Melbourne Town Hall chants for the two wrestlers, where there’s no split, only an appreciation. Weapons surround the ring, but the two avoid them for sake of approaching each other. Artemis sizes Kennedy and asks him with a strange politeness if she can give him a chop. Kennedy looks around the ring, before hearing the chant towards letting her do it. Kennedy obliges with a shrug and readies himself. Artemis pats on his chest with a soft giggle and gives him a brisk chop. A sharp gasp escapes the former UWF Universal Champion, but he steadies himself. Artemis stands ready for the reply, to which Kennedy motions for her to give him a second. He wriggles out his hands, blow on them, and turns to Artemis. An echoing smack startles the crowd and Artemis falls towards the ropes, the breath taken from her. She nods and comes back with a quick chop. Kennedy looks somewhat offended by the lack of a warning and the two begin to trade chops back and forth until Artemis gives him a STOCKTON SLAP!

Kennedy reels and Artemis throws her hands up in the air, the common follow-up to the taunting strike. Kennedy bursts out, going for a rear waist lock. Artemis dips to the mat but doesn’t get the sure takedown. Instead, her arm that she hooked around his neck isn’t a weapon, but a liability. Kennedy lifts Artemis off the ground and tries for a Saito Suplex. Artemis connects with the ground, but tucking her neck allows her to roll to her feet. Kennedy ducks underneath a kick to the back of the head and scoots away from Artemis. The God of Anger closes the gap and continues to toll away on Kennedy’s guard with chops until Kennedy forces a response through with a shove. He follows up with a Savate Kick that sends the smaller Artemis into the ropes. She bounces back and goes low for the counter chop block, but Kennedy moves to the side. Artemis eats mat but gets taken off the ground. Josh carries Artemis around for a moment before finishing the deadlift into a Gutwrench Suplex.

Artemis rolls out the ring, holding her lower back. She nods and hits the ring again, putting up a guard as she encroaches closer to Kennedy. Kennedy starts the next round of fighting off with a feint kick. Artemis doesn’t take chances and takes a full step back. She circles around the ring, preventing any advancements on the corners. Kennedy mirrors her movement and the two opt to go for the collar-and-elbow. Artemis, quick on the draw, tucks underneath Kennedy’s approach and takes his arm into a wrist-lock. Kennedy rolls to the mat, but Artemis scouts the reversal attempt and shifts over top of him, preventing his ascent. Hooking his hand in a different matter, Artemis ends his effort short with double knees to the chest. With her full weight on his chest, Artemis takes his hand into both of hers and wrenches all her fingers back. Full control in her grasp, Artemis moves her small body around Kennedy’s arm and snaps into a cross armbar.

Clapping for the technical transition covers Artemis’ giggle about her position. Kennedy grunts in pain but starts his counterattack. He arches his back up, props his legs, and shifts to a kneeling position. Brute strength is the only route, which comes in the form of some bombs dropped down on Artemis’ face. The crowd reels at first before they realize that this is what they paid for and that it was a street fight. Artemis’ grip loosens up and Kennedy takes the full-go and lifts her off the mat again. He turns to the ropes, going for the Deathcrush (Slingshot Sit-Out Powerbomb), but Artemis dips over the ropes, saving her from the impact. Sloppy as it was, Artemis manages to fall to the outside mat with hurting herself too much. Kennedy exits the ring via the adjacent ropes and comes around to Artemis. He charges forward and hits the recovering Kaiser with a Hesitation Dropkick that sends her into the steel steps.

Kennedy, seeing his chance, reaches down and retrieves a barbed wire bat from the ground. He stretches his arm one good time before coming at Artemis with it. Upon impact, Artemis moves and the bat recoils off the steel. Artemis loops around the backside of the steel steps, waiting for Kennedy’s recovery. Kennedy turns around to meet steel flying at his knees. They catch him off guard and his body fall chest first onto the unforgiving metal. Artemis climbs the steel and hits a low DDT, further driving Kennedy’s head into the steps. He slides off and Artemis goes for a steel chair. She gives it a long glance before running around the steel steps. She mimics bouncing off the ropes with the barricade and comes into Kennedy’s face with a basement dropkick. The sandwich of metal and metal gives the crowd a sharp recoil. Kennedy falls to the mat, where a small bit of blood starts to accumulate where his head rests. Artemis reaches down and drags his head up, presenting the thin line of blood that runs over Kennedy’s head.

Artemis takes him and hurls him into the ring before going to retrieve a table. She sets it up nicely and gives it a pat before looking through the audience. Their excitement makes a smile dawn on her face and she acquires a bottle of lighter fluid. Once it was properly set, she asks the crowd for a lighter. It didn’t take long for her to receive one and she lights the table ablaze. With that much done, Artemis hits the ring and waits for Josh to get a rising position. She pats on the elbow before swinging around for a First Crusade, looking to knock him out. Kennedy sparks to life and catches her with an Oblivion’s Peak (Roundhouse Kick), flooring her with a thunderous kick.

Kennedy picks Artemis up and goes for the Widowmaker, but Artemis burns with enough life to duck under the lariat. Kennedy’s momentum carries so that Artemis can shove his back. Kennedy stumbles and Artemis follows with a Falcon Kick (Running Single Leg Dropkick) to the back of his head. Josh falls into the ropes and Artemis goes to the outside apron. She runs forward and cracks him with a knee that sends him into the ring mat. Artemis preps herself on the ropes and takes a big breath. She tells the audience that this is a once-in-a-lifetime move and she jumps onto the ropes.

SPRINGBOARD 450!

The crowd pops at the sight of the grounded woman going for such a feat.


It was like it was a circus act on how precise the counter grab was. Josh spins around and drops her with a Death Valley Driver! He goes for the cover!


Artemis gets the shoulder up, causing a roar from the crowd. It wasn’t over yet. Josh exits the ring, going back to the barbed wire and the steel chair that bears some of his blood. He re-enters the ring and props the chair there and puts down the barbed wire bat. He goes over and picks Artemis off the mat but receives a gut punch. It doubles him over and Artemis stomps on the back of his head. Josh pops up, leaving himself open for the Fifth Crusade (Stomp to the back of the head into Rolling Elbow) but a timely duck saves him. However, for Artemis, she’s open and gets a full taste of some barbed wire as Josh picks up the aptly placed bat and swings true. The crowd recoils again from the rather brutal strike. Of course, Artemis’ face shines red with blood as she stumbles the cover. Unfortunately, it was one where Josh set up the chair earlier.

Kennedy motions for the end and runs in for a knee strike to push Artemis’ head through the chair. Artemis, through sheer force of will, throws herself out of the way. Kennedy’s knee hits the chair and he rebounds off. Artemis takes a hold of the chair and turns to strike Kennedy with it. Her swing misses as Kennedy grits his teeth and evades a chair shot. He stumbles back, still feeling the sharp pain in his knee. Artemis throws the chair at him, but light enough for him to catch. It was all a set-up for her to hit a First Crusade (Rolling Elbow) that drives the chair into Kennedy’s face with an echoing force. Artemis holds her elbow in agony, but she falls onto Josh as he collapses.




Artemis, her eyes wide with pain and shock, stares at Josh Kennedy. She contemplates his existence and gives him a respectful nod. She stands up and takes him to a standing base. Into the corner he goes and Artemis struggles to lift him onto the top turnbuckle. She scales it and holds him there, tucking him down. The crowd starts to grow louder at the prospect of seeing her hit… DMD (Package Piledriver) off the top rope.

She signals for the end, but before she can even reach down to try to pick him up, Josh snaps back to reality.

Without thinking.

Without any care in the world.

Reckless as ever.

Josh Kennedy lifts Artemis Kaiser up and jumps off the top rope with a powerbomb—

Artemis manages to grab Kennedy’s hair, bringing him into an attempted facebuster.

THROUGH THE FLAMING TABLE!

The table explodes in a combination of fire and destruction as the two lay on the outside. The referee exits the ring and it doesn’t take long for him to wave his hands up and put up a “X.” The bell rings and the crowd doesn’t seem to care as their adrenaline is at the peak from the impact. The camera shows the two competitors being covered in C02. The feed starts to go static as it returns to Elena Musgrave.

ELENA MUSGRAVE: “The match ended in a no-contest, due to the reckless actions of the two, but it was a spectacle nonetheless. Maybe one day, we’ll see—HAHAHA, just kidding. You know we’re already vying to have a part two of this matchup. At least we won’t have to hack the internet to show it to everyone. Anyways, we just wanted to give everyone a treat! Bye bye!”